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random rambles [Apr. 17th, 2006|07:59 pm]
"i have fun" thats what they told me today.

i guess its true, it is true. in fact its so true its a lie.
i have so much fun that fun isnt fun anymore. i always have to out do what i did yesterday to have fun. its like im competing with myself.

wow i think that i kinda live life for the headrush.
the headrush of life, the headrush of the first cigg of the day, the headrush of seeing my friends.

i wishi was deep ya know? cause then i could have those deep conversations of why we are here, not that i think it matters cause well we are here arent we?

but just so you could do soem thing new ya know? ive always wanted to do soemthign to be remembered by, something new. like 2+2=4 is always gonna be 4 no matter who does the equation but if i could do something that was different. then i would have lived life to the fullest. at least i think. i dunno cause ive never done that one thing.

i was talkign to indie today and i realized that people never know what they want and they never will. they just have the drive for somethign in perticular that they think they want and every once in awhile they get a target, they get it right. it was what they wanted because when they got it it made thier heart soar. not for a moment but for the rest of the tiem they use it, see it , touch it, taste it... or whever it is.

why do people watch antiques roadshow? is it so they can find out how much somethign they will never find costs? or is it because they just wan tto be able to renage prices on things that they think they might ind in an antique shop in new england or in soem old house they find themselves rummaging though the attic and finding soem old trinket that has a meaning to them even if they've never seen it before.

when you see someone you've never met before and think that you've know them, is it day-sha-vu [pardon the spelling] or is it soemthign more? did you know them in a previous life or do you just wish yuo did and thierfore just find some sort of memory from your childhood that you just all of the sudden think had this person in it or hope this person in it?

idk if this doesnt make any sense im sorry.
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still here?? [Apr. 17th, 2006|02:36 pm]
[Current Location |The Upstairs Computer]
[Current Mood |boredbored]
[Current Music |ESPN channel in the other room]

so bascically the following has happened.

ive had sex.
it was fun ;)
but i think i would take it back becuase some how the one thing i dont want people to know, everyone knows.not the first time i had it, but the next.

spring break.

lets review, shall we?
Friday - Maiya's ["taylor's" to my parents] party. fatty amounts of alcohol and weed. got pretty fucked up and did absolutly nothing with anyone. yay. ;)
Saturday - Went to Seattle and saw Riann and Anna's play. Fucking amazing might i add. and realized im extrely sick.
Sunday and Monday - Home sick because the week previous i had got sick from jake.
Tuesday and Wednesday - I was at a two-day party at a friend Matt Jenson's House. Well actually his dads but it might as well be his, he is like 23. and I smoked about an ounce here. the first day.
Then Wednesday night his dad came home and paul grabbed me and ran out to his car but i made him wait for tay,justin,oleg and maiya. then we like raced out the street and down to paul and jakes house. Only me and maiya spent the night which was kinda gay, but all the same fun.
Thursday - home, hungover and pissed off that im not out at spring break. still sick and i lost my voice back around wednesday morning.
Friday - Home till noon. Then "tay's" otherwise known as Paul and Jake's dad's house.about to get crunk when i had to go home. maiya stayed along with dan,tay,oleg and others. dan drank for me. he go tmy share so he actually got drunk. they actually had a video tape going the whole time on the bar and wow, my friends are pretty fucking wierd.
Saturday - Me and Maiya chilled with Jake and Dan after i finally go tahold of her and taylor around 4pm. tay got in a shitload of trouble so no 420 for her. but but but. i got pretty fucked up and well Brina and Maiya spent the night to Easter which was pretty tight. ok so in total of the whol ebreak i smoked about 2 oz. fucking dope.
Easter - Brina left around 10. Maiya did the same, just the other 10.... pm. Jamie and the baby came down i think Riann and Melissa were in New Mexico or some shit, idek.

now im bored and home alone and no one is even on myspace let alone LJ.
that pretty much fills us in.
yeah that and the fact taht my skin is amazing caus emy dermatologist is dope an dgave me this stuff that actually works on my acne-fied skin. thoguht you should know that.

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The World Turned Upside Down For A Day. [Feb. 16th, 2006|09:49 pm]
[Current Mood |confusedconfused]
[Current Music |The buzzing of the computer]

i wonder what it would be like to just for one day.

to have:
no problems.
no worries.
no fears.
no lies.
no fake I LOVE YOUs.
no hate.
no distrust.
no fucking maybes.
no confusion.
no unknowing.
and yet, no control.

i think, that i want too much and dotn know how to get it. I need too much and yet push away when offered what i mostly desire. i argue constantly because i dont know what to believe in so all of my faith and will go into what im fighting fo r at that moment. Wether it be to use the word "hella" in the Newspaper or that im mature enough to maek my own decisions, its always the same. I overdo it, and i dont know how to stop. As you can see, i complain constantly, but when you think about it what else do people do besides talk about people behind thier backs (good or bad) and complain in life? I have a problem with Trust. I have this fear that everything i do can be turned and used against me in a way for mock humiliation. I think everyone is out to get me and that even the ones close to me would turn me in just so that way they would het a better end of the deal. I cant stand fake kids and i dont understnad the piont of rubix cubes. honestly, if i asked how many of the people at my school find me annoying and bitchy, it would probly be a majority. And i dont blame them, but i silently ask them for help. No one knows the real me, i dotn even know the real me. I change way too much and i need a constant in my life to even me out. I nee dto learn how to write if i have to be in Newspaper and i need to figure out what im supposed to do with my life since im almost done with my first year of high school which is bascically the hardest part of my life. I want people to just be able to make up thier minds, i cant stand it when people are indecisive. Its like they dotn have enough conviction to actually make up thier fucking minds anymore. its liek you arent important enough for them to waste thier time on making a fucking decision for. there are two answers to almost any question, yes or no. i cant stand friday nights because i rarely have anything of interest to do. I cant stand going home because if i do then i get grounded for trying to fucking do what they tell me they want, but you know what? they dotn fuckign know what they want. and im not gonna wait around for them to realize what they want for me, cause they arent me! i Hate tv right now. it pisses me off that everytime i start to watch a tv show, i can just tell you whats going to happen and then it does. so wtf is the piont in watching a show that i already know the ending? god i hate tv. i think im gonna go to bed and finish my bitchfest-with a 16 word vocabulary later. so peace bitches.

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seems i just cant away........ [Nov. 8th, 2005|06:54 pm]
[Current Mood |annoyedannoyed]
[Current Music |Dirty Life - Ima Robot]

fun day at school, i guess. i mean it was pretty normal. you know, leave early from wyman and get marked absent so that way they call home and tell your parents - oh yeah thats great. but no photo was fun, for the most part - i mean getting into heated conversations about music with a total classic rock kid is fun and all but then when the teacher comes in and yells at you for not making prints in time, it aint so much fun no more. either way.

then lets see gym - gym was hilarious i mean we have wieght training and seeing maiya run has got to be the funniest thing ever. no offense hun, but seriously cause she gets tired so easily and just like stops in the middle of the run complaining while im sure i hurt more cause im sick, cough for various reasons and my knee gives out all the time and i just keep going and laugh at her. she might actually be my motivation for staying fit, for the most part anyway.That ans i dont want to be one of those "fat kids" that no one likes because they are fat. sad but true. either way.

just got back from haleys - fun times in a box, i must say. actually it was quite delightful, we just like chilled at her house, got lost in her backyard, got her little brother in trouble cause hes a duesh, and oh yeah i got cheetos! what now?!?! thats what i thought.bitch.

haha. no but lunch was fun. those kids are great and guess waht im doing tommorrow - hanging out with jor-whore and erin adn they are baking a birthday cake for none other than my ex. wtf? i dotn really care though, except i do cause they totally want his balls and wont admit it because hes my ex, which i apreaciate i guess but still. ah, oh well haleys made my day though. it quite literally did.

<3 Megan
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ok so justin timberlake is a duesh and ...... [Nov. 5th, 2005|03:50 pm]
[Current Mood |coldcold]
[Current Music |The Great Golden Baby - Circa Survive]

my week was shit. people piss me off when im sick.
i dont even remeber thursday but i know that friday i went over to jor-whores and actually had some fun. not much but some.

ok so at school i was happy on friday (wow i know)and i found out that the windows to the library open, ill take a picture so that way you blanchet kids understnad why this is amazing. but then i was sitting with big kyle and we were talking when all of the sudden kelsey comes up adn well lets just say they arent exactly the "best" of friends, in fact they hate each other. so i just sat there as they fought foolishly. untill other classes let kids out and kelsey left. then today she yells at me for not sticing up for here, wtf? its not like i was with her and we went over ot kyle, no she cam eover to us and wanted me to stick up for her. wtf? either way.

oh in gym i was standing with maiya ("everyone knows maiya")and i was likeing faceing a wall talking to her and then all of the sudden big kyle and grega made a sandwich out of me and the worst part was that there was a volleyball net on one side of me.

yeah my life aint interesting.

<3 Megan
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yes i was sick. [Nov. 2nd, 2005|05:00 pm]
[Current Mood |tiredtired]
[Current Music |Journey from kels myspace.]

adn it sucked. no one is ever home whne i am and then when school got out the phone didnt stop ringing. from people calling - and by then i was so bored and tired that i wanted to actually sleep. it was such a waste of a day and i still have no vioce but i will go to school tommorrow. my ma cant make me not go twice in a row. she already cost me a days worth of fun - which is mean might i add!!!!

ug im gonna go see if she'll let me hangout with kiersten and jamie tommorrow. cause they are some of the tightest sophmores i know, not to mention melissa and alyssa.But i wont be hanging out with those kids tommorrow, cause i dotn think all of them get along very well. but thats normal with my friends, this group doesnt likethis group and well its interesting the reasons why people dont like each other.

ok gotta go try not to sound sick for about a half hour. fun fun. not.

<3 Megan
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ah another day.... [Nov. 1st, 2005|07:37 pm]
[Current Mood |rushedrushed]
[Current Music |Walking At Nigt, Alone - Armor For Sleep]

ok so nothing really happened today, wyman was entertaining cause well i wasted and ENTIRE class period arguing with her about the good of the books. kyle thanked me by buying me lunch. cause we were supposed to present things and i made her totally forget. it was amazing

lets see in pot today we were throwing "tootsies" at people and me and amanda we yelling tootsie by break and throwing candy, it didnt even have to be tootsie rolls anymore at random people (small though cause otherwise that would be mean) i dotn know bu tit was fun to have some immature fun adn not get in trouble.

oh yeah at lunch i had lunch duty and everyone, i mean EVERYONE asked what did you do??? it didnt even matter it was stupid. and besides the other half of my class was doing lunch duty too. me and shane started racing to get trash we were so goddamn bored then we got yelled at and were sent back to wyman late. wyman didnt even notice which is amazing because shane is like 6'3".

by then we, meaning me and maiya, realized it was gregas birthday and we hadnt or anyone for that matter remembered cause we were all so tired from halloween night. which was sad so maiya made him a card in bio. and just came over and walked in my math class to get me to sign it, it was funny cause my teacher dotn give a damn. ten minutes in to class he gives up. hes such a new teacher.
and a push-over like wyman is. speaking of wyman i have to finish my essay due tommorrow so night.

<3 Megan
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(no subject) [Oct. 30th, 2005|05:33 pm]
[Current Mood |amusedamused]
[Current Music |get up stand up - bob marley]

So.. today was simply stunning.
I have the coolest friends ever.
and it all consisted of;
-melissa and her mad spiderman moves :O (we have pics)
-waiting for amanda, alyssa, and maiya to get to melissas house
-all of us going to BK and causing a ruckus and buying like $20 worth of food
-me and melissa mimiking this one guys walk and making fun of him cos his panties were showing
-all of us riding the bus to target
-melissa and amanda hiding where the babies are born for like 10 minutes
-me, amanda, and melissa hiding hiding there again and popping out and scaring people- and then getting in trouble by a lady who works there haha
-trying on random articles of clothing
-me running into people while running from alyssa and maiya
-then dropping me and maiya off

im pretty sure that im lazy and just copied and pasted this from a myspace bulletin, but still. my hands are kinda blue cause maiya refuesed my help dying her hair so i had to try, key word try to get the blue from around her head off. oh yeah taht was easy, not!! so hard. and then i have to go convice the parents that alyssa is a good kid and i should be able to spend the night at her house after tricker-treating tommorrow as a dead scene kid. fun fun.

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............ [Oct. 29th, 2005|10:38 pm]
[Current Mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]
[Current Music |maiya moving around on my bed listening to music and the key]

ok so im pretty sure me and haley are strait only im not sure cause she wont really talk to me but thats ok. i kno whta its like to just not want to talk to someone and not really have a reason. how come everytime i write in this and then i read it over again it seems liek a 10 year old wrote it? i dont feel that i talk or think like a 10 year old, but i guess thats relative since when you were ten you didnt believe that you thought like you were ten either.

i dont even know whats going on anymore. its halloween weekend and i dont have a costume, the only reason i would get one was to not be bitched at, but frankly i dotn even care anymore.Why am i such a freshman? i mean seriously. everyone one of my problems is petty and self-centered when in reality i sould be there for my friends since i probly have the most stable life. I mean my parents are together, my dad doesnt skip work to jerk off on the computer, my brother isnt a perv, and i dont have any life threating problems.

For one reason or another, maiya is at my house again. dotn ask cause i dont know. shes just so chill and barely talks and besides no one else could stay tonight.fuck, shy do i sound so fuckign young. and yet i feel so much more mature than i sound. although i do happen to have a deep vioce for a chick - thats no the piont is it? or is it?

im once again organizing my cds, meaning getting rid of alot becuse i odtn have room in my cd case which i should add has cds doubled and tripled up because there isnt enough room for them all. its quite funny since maiya put her cds in there and they fit perfectly, every single one has a spot and no doubling up. kelsey says she thinks maiya is lesbian and wants to fuck me... i was like "umm ok kelsey." it was weird and creepy. althoguhi have noticed maiya is really picky about everything. liek we were looking at something online and she was just analyzing ,as she says, everything about everyone on the page.it made me want to hit her cause it was so petty and shallow.but i didnt cause that is really mean and i dotn want to be labeled as the crazy mean bitch.

even though i am already labeled as something else. i dotn know what, but it would be great to know. cause then i can at least embrase it, even if it is mean. and i could truly be my sterotype. typing is so much better than writing cause i can type faster thani can write so i can get more out and still think at he same time i think im actualyl gonna treat this liek a journal in the future, not just a thing i go on sometimes because im so pissed or so confused that i dont know what to do. im so useless its not even funny - and i think my friend might like me..... :(

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If i was a $20 bill....... [Oct. 20th, 2005|05:06 pm]
[Current Mood |creativecreative]
[Current Music |ppl bitching at me on the phone]

os another fine day at school, only i missed first pd cause of a dentist appointment but the guy there was pretty tight. he kept me entertained for a bit, then this one junior kid was pretty hot i think his name is like levi or something. hes cool and nice - said hed give me a ride home one day if i wanted. of course i do.duh. haha.

alyssa wants me to throw a party at her house because bacsically everyone noe hates her for some raeson or another and i feel extreme pity for the little 8th grader. ah speaking of 8th graders we went back to kopachuck and hung out with nick and mikey and jake for like a hour, hella good times. btw, do i look extremly diferent then in 7th grade? or 8th for that matter?

i dont even care that much, everyone just says "oh you look so much different" meaning wow you might actually be attractive this year you were hella fugly when you first moved here.and bascically i dont care cause most of my friends are guys anyway.so whatever.

tommy scared the shit out of me today, it was hella funny. i was staning there talking to eric and nick at lunch and then someone yelled in my ear ans scared me so much, i jumped and then landed on teh table. it hurt pretty bad actually. not like it matters cause i was laughing so hard my side would have hurt anyway. i dont know i guess you had to be there. but still.

tyler licked my face.... i have a wierd ass brother. its true. and then there was some assembly or something, i missed the beginning and walked ina dn the whole school looked at me it was entertaining. and then i started laughing uncontrollably so people kept staring at me and then the homecoming ppl were announced and you could still hear me laughing. btw, i laugh like a retard if you havent already noticed that i noticed that whist rolling around on the floor wiht glowsticks being thrown at me. still, i had fun even if the rest of the school didnt.

yup yup.
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