|The World Turned Upside Down For A Day.
||[Feb. 16th, 2006|09:49 pm]
|||||The buzzing of the computer||]|
i wonder what it would be like to just for one day.
no fake I LOVE YOUs.
no fucking maybes.
and yet, no control.
i think, that i want too much and dotn know how to get it. I need too much and yet push away when offered what i mostly desire. i argue constantly because i dont know what to believe in so all of my faith and will go into what im fighting fo r at that moment. Wether it be to use the word "hella" in the Newspaper or that im mature enough to maek my own decisions, its always the same. I overdo it, and i dont know how to stop. As you can see, i complain constantly, but when you think about it what else do people do besides talk about people behind thier backs (good or bad) and complain in life? I have a problem with Trust. I have this fear that everything i do can be turned and used against me in a way for mock humiliation. I think everyone is out to get me and that even the ones close to me would turn me in just so that way they would het a better end of the deal. I cant stand fake kids and i dont understnad the piont of rubix cubes. honestly, if i asked how many of the people at my school find me annoying and bitchy, it would probly be a majority. And i dont blame them, but i silently ask them for help. No one knows the real me, i dotn even know the real me. I change way too much and i need a constant in my life to even me out. I nee dto learn how to write if i have to be in Newspaper and i need to figure out what im supposed to do with my life since im almost done with my first year of high school which is bascically the hardest part of my life. I want people to just be able to make up thier minds, i cant stand it when people are indecisive. Its like they dotn have enough conviction to actually make up thier fucking minds anymore. its liek you arent important enough for them to waste thier time on making a fucking decision for. there are two answers to almost any question, yes or no. i cant stand friday nights because i rarely have anything of interest to do. I cant stand going home because if i do then i get grounded for trying to fucking do what they tell me they want, but you know what? they dotn fuckign know what they want. and im not gonna wait around for them to realize what they want for me, cause they arent me! i Hate tv right now. it pisses me off that everytime i start to watch a tv show, i can just tell you whats going to happen and then it does. so wtf is the piont in watching a show that i already know the ending? god i hate tv. i think im gonna go to bed and finish my bitchfest-with a 16 word vocabulary later. so peace bitches.